Danger: Curves ahead, clothes in restricted area

Yesterday I tried on some wool winter coats at Kohl's, and was sadly disappointed. Why? None of them would fit me and flatter me. I am short, with small shoulders, fairly big boobs and a small waist. If the coat fit in the shoulders, it wouldn't fit around my chest, and vice-versa. They do not make clothing for women that have breasts! I forgot about this, since it's been a long time since I have gone shopping for a more fitted winter coat. It's stupid of me, really. I don't buy button-down blouses or for the same reason, and most dresses and certain kinds of tops are off limits. I'd really need to go to a tailor and do a lot of alterations or start from scratch, which is what the more famous big-boobed women like Angelina Jolie must do. However, I don't have that kind of money. Too bad, because I like cute coats like this one.

I've been thinking about female models lately, and the fit of clothing. A lot of people have been, after this Photoshop of horrors courtesy of Ralph Lauren. It's no secret that models have gotten smaller and so have the clothes, while the rest of the country gets fatter from oversized portions, high-fructose corn syrup and cheap fast food. What people blame first is usually a bias towards thin people in the fashion industry, or a trend started by Kate Moss that never died. While this bias exists, I suspect that this all started to save money. The standard size 8 that used to be sent to photo shoots and runways is now something like a zero to four. Less fabric! It may not be much, but it adds up. Especially for couture gowns, with details such as beading. Fabric costs money, and can cost time too. Anyone who does knitting or crochet like I do knows that. That's my theory: the fashion industry is cheap and greedy. They're sending out the cheapest samples they can get away with.

It's strange that while fashion designers make clothes for skinny, flat-chested models, Hollywood tells us that a desirable woman has a skinny body and a large chest. Increasingly, a nice round butt too. Most women are not built this way, so they have to get plastic surgery. I would almost be built this way if my stomach were flatter and I lost 10 or 15 pounds. I say almost because when I lose weight, I lose it from my chest first. Oh, that ticks me off! The one place that I WANT fat to be! Recently I have lost weight, and my reward has been that I fit into my older bras and tops. My belly I and butt just stay the same. Man that sucks!

I'm okay with my body as-is though, and I've watched enough episodes of What Not To Wear to know that we can all look good at any size, and it's the clothes that are the problem, not me. Shopping is work! You have to try things on! It's all about fit! Hire a tailor! Thanks, Stacy and Clinton.

I'm taking my mind away from getting a structured coat, it exhausts me thinking about it now. It's just not practical, especially considering I like to layer clothing in this cold tundra. I'm thinking about getting a thick wool sweater coat now, and I'll continue wearing my fake fur coat from Newport News for the really cold days. I look like a furry bear in it, but hey, it's Minnesota - nobody cares about fashion at -30 F.

I'd like to get one of those heavy wool cabled cream colored sweaters like the fishermen wear on the east coast in the movies. Accessories made from qiviut would be awesome too. Qiviut is from the underwool of the Arctic Musk Ox, and is 8 times warmer than wool, very lightweight and softer than cashmere. It's also very expensive and rare. There's a farm in Alaska where people gather the molts from the Musk Ox, so the animals are completely undisturbed. My parents saw some for sale when they visited Alaska. A 2 ounce skein of yarn is $80. My mom said it was so soft and light...oh, those lucky Musk Ox! What lovely belly fur they have.

Here are some sweaters that pretend to be coats:

Double-breasted shawl cardigan from The Gap (how is this a shawl?!), also available in gray and petite, $59.50. 45% acrylic, nylon 45% angora 10%. Probably not that warm, but it does look like a regular coat, only it is more pliable.

Heritage double-breasted cardigan,100% wool, $175 from Banana Republic.

Rachel Rachel Roy sweater coat, double breasted, 100% Merino wool, Macy's, $109.

Covington Sport mixed stitch sweater jacket,  other colors available, $19.95 at Sears.

Victoria's Secret Bouclé peplum cardigan sweater, acrylic/nylon/wool/Lycra spandex, many colors available, $39.

Staying warm this winter

I need a new jacket to conquer the harsh Minnesotan winter. My jackets are either too heavy or too light, I need one that is just right. A little bird told me that alpaca is 3-5 times warmer than wool, and is hypoallergenic. I'm allergic to wool, but can still wear it with a good lining. The less wool the better, though, and I hear alpaca is lighter too! I'm seeing some blended fabrics that look ever so chic. Look at this pretty jacket (on sale for $199):

Or this sophisticated looking coat, with faux mink fur accents, also on sale! Only *cough* $339.

It reminds me a little of something you might see in Dr. Zhivago.  Oh, how I love that film. I watched it again the last time it ran on TCM, sometime this month. What glorious clothes! I love Geraldine Chapman's pink coat and muff the size of a sheep:

Fabulous! The scene where she arrives by train looking all Hello Kitty pink in an ocean of gray and soot, I don't get why the good Doctor would want Laura instead. Well, I do, but...I guess Dr. Zhivago wasn't really into fashion so much. He was a tortured soul, and could not write poetry about the one  woman in Russia who wears pastels. Look at how good everyone looks though, even when they're shooting each other!